This article was originally written in July 2014 following the accident in June 2014.
My mom was enjoying a romantic weekend away.
With her boyfriend.
On a motorcycle.
It did not end well.
Crisis = Danger + Opportunity
The Chinese character for Crisis is actually two characters side by side: Danger and Opportunity. Danger seems to be short-lived and easily identifiable: Danger, hot water! Danger, mind the gap! Danger, accident ahead! Meanwhile, Opportunity triggers the start of a much longer process, teeming with questions and decisions that can only unfold over time: Opportunity, go back to school! Opportunity, travel abroad! Opportunity, 6 months of rehab!
I’m really glad that the Danger is over so quickly.
Danger
I drove all Sunday night, 473 miles from bedside to bedside, and Monday morning finally saw her tied and tubed, monitored and clamped, medicated and tender.
Surgery on Wednesday to plate and pin her pelvis back together. Pelvis injuries are expected in motorcycle accidents. Now hers has already been repaired; she’ll walk on it again with time and practice. She doesn’t need surgery on her broken vertebrae because her ligaments are still whole and intact. Her broken ribs make it hard to laugh, cough, yawn.
Opportunity
Please drive safely. Accidents happen.
Without blame or fault: They were passing a car on the left, and the driver turned left. Their helmets and jackets were bright yellow and orange. Neon Caution. They were going 45 MPH. This obviously could have been a whole lot worse, and it wasn’t. Although they and I and my children will never get on a motorcycle again, we will all forever be more conscientious drivers: Danger is there.
Danger
Once caught up with her prognosis, I called or texted the entire family. We’re really close, and all up in each other’s business, and dramatic news travels fast, so I wanted to make sure everyone heard the truth as soon as possible. Going through the details, over and over, with each new family or friend was exhausting in itself; Hearing their shock, answering their questions, reassuring them, again and again, that she’ll ultimately be OK, was even MORE exhausting.
Opportunity
I’ve decided that if I ever – or, let’s be honest, we live in a dangerous world, WHEN I – get Shocking news again, I will simply reply, “Thank you so much for letting me know. What can I do (for YOU) (for them)?” Compassion will trump curiosity.
Danger
Since their bright neon helmets and padded pants and jackets took the impact of the fall, there isn’t a scratch on their bodies. ANYWHERE. From the outside, they are still perfect. It’s just the insides that got a little messy.
Opportunity
Through all her brokenness and her pain, she is completely “Trusting the Process.” Lovely, optimistic, strong. She’s accepted that “this is what’s next” and is peacefully allowing gratitude to dictate her next steps. She is a wonderful patient, easily complies, voices her needs simply, is focused on her healing.
More Opportunities
With the rush out of town, both little kids jumped into a local nursery school for the week and Little Girl will continue, for now. My sister and I had a wonderful 5-hour lunch. I stayed with a friend I hadn’t seen in years. Mom won’t be moving to Colorado as soon as she thought. Surely more opportunities – both Seen and Unseen – will unfold in time. We may have to look for them, but they’re there.
As much as I wish that I could’ve had a 5-hour, no children around, at-a-restaurant lunch with my sister without Mom in surgery, Opportunities like these only seem to come with this kind of Danger. Thankfully, in this partnership, Danger passes while Opportunities continue to grow.
Opportunity is always there.
2-Years Later…
Mom reflects on her month in the ICU and rehab center as a kind of spiritual awakening. “I realized that another 2 centimeters or another 5 mph–such a tiny amount more of something–could make all the difference between a full recovery and quadriplegia or even death. If the difference is insignificant, then the result must be insignificant! I had to ask myself: If it is insignificant whether I fully recover or not, then what IS significant? The answer was immediate and simple. Love. After that I fell in love with every nurse, every visitor, every person I saw through the doorway.”
Opportunity is always here.